SAMPLE ESSAY SAMPLES: COMPARISON / CONTRAST

POINT BY POINT SAMPLE ESSAY: Note in the following essay that the writer takes a definite stand--that local food co-ops are superior to chain grocery stores--and then contrasts two local stores, Lane Grocer and the Fort Collins, Colorado, Co-op, to prove her thesis. She selected the Point-by-point Pattern to organize her essay, contrasting prices, atmosphere, and benefits to local producers. See if you can identify her transitional devices as well as some of her uses of detail that make the essay more interesting and convincing.

Bringing Back the Joy of Market Day

Now that the old family-run grocery is almost extinct, many people are banding together to form their own neighborhood stores as food cooperatives. Locally owned by their members, food co-ops such as the one here in Fort Collins are welcome alternatives to the impersonal chain-store markets such as Lane Grocer. In exchange for volunteering a few hours each month, co-op members share savings and a friendly experience while they shop; local producers gain loyal, local support from the members as well as better prices for their goods in return for providing the freshest, purest food possible.

Perhaps the most crucial distinction between the two kinds of stores is that while supermarkets are set up to generate profit for their corporations, co-ops are nonprofit groups whose main purpose is to provide their members and the community with good, inexpensive food and basic household needs. At first glance, supermarkets such as Lane Grocer may appear to be cheaper because they offer so many specials, which they emphasize heavily through ads and in-store promotions. These special deals, known as “loss-leaders” in the retail industry are more than compensated by the extremely high markups on other products. For example, around Thanksgiving Lane Grocer might have a sale on flour and shortening and then set up the displays with utmost care so that as customers reach for the flour they will be drawn to colorful bottles of pie spices, fancy jars of mincemeat, or maybe in inviting bin of fresh-roasted holiday nuts, all of which may be marked up 100% or more—way above what is being lost on the flour and shortening.

The Fort Collins Co-op rarely bothers with such pricing gimmicks; instead, it tries to have a consistent markup—just enough to meet overhead expenses. The flour at the co-op may cost an extra few cents, but the same fancy spice bottle that costs over $1.00 from the supermarket display can be refilled at the co-op for less than $.25. The nuts, considered by regular groceries as a seasonal “gourmet” item, are sold at the co-op for about two-thirds the price. Great savings like these are achieved by buying in bulk and having customers bag their own groceries. Recycled containers are used as much as possible, cutting down substantially on overhead. Buying in bulk may seem awkward at first, but the extra time spent bagging and weighing their own food results in welcome savings for co-op members.

Once people have become accustomed to bringing their own containers and taking part in the work at the co-ops, they often find that it’s actually more fun to shop in the friendly, relaxed atmosphere of the co-ops. At Lane Grocer, for example, I often find shopping a battle of tangled metal carts wielded by bored customers who are frequently trying to manage one or more cranky children. The long aisles harshly lit by rows of cold fluorescent lights and the bland commercial music don’t make the chore of shopping any easier either. On the other hand, the Fort Collins Co-op may not be as expertly planned, but at least the chaos is carried on in a friendly way. Parents especially appreciate that they can safely let their children loose while they shop because in the small, open-spaced co-op even toddlers don’t become lost as they do in the aisles of towering supermarket shelves. Moreover, most members are willing to look after the children of other members if necessary. And while they shop, members can choose to listen to the FM radio or simply to enjoy each other’s company in relative quiet.

As well as benefiting member consumers, co-ops also help small local producers by providing a direct market for their goods. Large chain stores may require minimum wholesale quantities far beyond the capacity of an individual producer, and mass markets like Lane Grocer often feel they are “too big” to negotiate with small local producers. But because of their small, independent nature, co-ops welcome the chance to buy direct from the grower or producer. Direct selling offers two advantages for producers: they get a better price for their wares than by selling them through a middleman, and at the same time they establish an independent reputation for their business, which can be immensely valuable to their success later on. In Fort Collins, for example Luna tofu (bean curd) stands out as an excellent illustration of this kind of mutual support. Several years ago my friend Carol Jones began making tofu in small batches to sell to the co-op as a way to earn a part-time income as well as to contribute to the co-op. Her enterprise has now grown so well that last year her husband quit his job to go into business with her full time. She currently sells to distributors and independent stores from here to Denver; even Lane Grocer, who earlier would not consider selling her tofu even on a trial basis, is now thinking about changing its policy.

Of course, not all co-ops are like the one here in Fort Collins, but that is one of their best features. Each one reflects the personalities of its members, unlike the supermarket chain stores that vary only slightly. Most important, though, while each has a distinctive character, co-ops share common goals of providing members with high-quality, low-cost food in a friendly, cooperative spirit.

BLOCK PATTERN: After thinking through both methods of development, a second writer chose the block pattern to contrast two kinds of backyards. He felt it was more effective to give his readers a complete sense of his first backyard, with its spirit of wildness, instead of addressing each point of the contrast separately, as did the first student writer. Do you agree with his choice? Why or why not? Note, too, the ways in which this writer tries to avoid the “split essay” problem by making clear connections between the new yard and the older one.

Backyard: Old and New

Most of the time I like getting something new—new clothes, new CDs, new video games. I look forward to making new friends and visiting new places. But sometimes new isn’t better than old. Five years ago, when my family moved to a house in a new area, I learned that a new, neat backyard can never be as a wonderful as a rambling, untamed yard of an older house.

My first yard, behind our older house, was huge, the size of three normal backyards, but completely irregular in shape. Our property line zagged in and out around old, tall trees in a lot shaped like a large pie piece from which some giant had taken random bites. The left side was taken up by a lopsided garden that sometimes grew tomatoes but mainly wild raspberries, an odd assortment of overgrown bushes, and wildflowers of mismatched shapes and sizes. The middle part had grass and scattered shade trees, some that were good for climbing. The grassy part drifted off into an area with large old evergreen trees surrounded by a tall tangle of vines and bushes that my parents called “the Wild Spot,” which they had carefully ignored for years. The whole yard sloped downhill, which with the irregular shape and the trees, made my job of mowing the grass a creative challenge.

Despite the mowing problem, there was something magical about that untamed yard. We kids made a path through the Wild Spot and had a secret hideout in the bush. Hidden from adult eyes, my friends and I sat around a pretend fire ring, made up adventures (lost in the jungle!), asked each other Important Questions (better to be a rock star or a baseball player?), and shared out secret fears (being asked to dance). The yard’s grassy section was big enough for throwing a football with my brother (the here-and-there trees made catching long passes even more spectacular), and my twin sisters invented gymnastic routines that rolled them downhill. Mom picked vegetables and flowers when she felt like it. It seemed like someone, family or friend, was always in our yard doing something fun.

When all he kids were teenagers, my parents finally decided we needed more space, so we moved into a house in a new development. Although the house itself was better (more bathrooms), the new backyard, in comparison to our older one, was a total disappointment. New backyard was neat, tidy, tiny, flat, square, and completely fenced. There were not only no big old trees for shade or for climbing—there were not trees at all. My parents had to plant a few, which looked like big twigs stuck in the ground. No untamed tangles of bushes and flowers there—only identical fire hydrant-sized shrubs planted evenly every few feet in narrow, even beds along the fence. The rest of this totally flat yard was grass, easy to mow in mere minutes, but no challenge either. No wild berry bushes or rambling vegetable gardens were allowed in the new development. No wild anything at all, to be exact.

Nothing wild and no variety: that was the problem. To put it bluntly, the yard was neat but boring. Every inch of it was open to inspection; it held no secret spaces for the imagination to fill. There was no privacy either as our yard looked directly into the almost duplicate bland yards of the neighbors on all sides. The yard was too small to do any real physical activity in it; going out for a long pass would mean automatic collision with the chain fence in any direction. My sister’s dance routines soon dissolved under our neighbor’s eyes and out tomatoes came from the grocery store. With no hidden nooks, no interesting landscape, and no tumbling space, our family just didn’t go into the backyard very often. Unlike the older, overgrown backyard that was always inviting someone to play, the new backyard wasn’t fun for anyone.

Over the last five years, the trees have grown and the yard looks better, not so sterile and empty. I guess all new yard are on their way to becoming old yards eventually. But it takes decades and that is too slow for me. New houses have lots of modern conveniences, but I hope if I am lucky enough to own my own place someday, I will remember that when it come to backyards, old is always better than new.

The Big Move

The adjustment began when I was a sophomore in high school. I was fifteen—atypical American teenager. I lived to talk on the telephone and hang out at the mall, watch lots of television, and go to the movies. Everything about my life seemed satisfying. I loved my neighborhood, my school, my friends. But suddenly everything changed. One night my parents told me that my father had been transferred and that we were going to move to England. I felt as if everything I had grown to love was being torn away from me. My parents ignored my pleas and told me in no uncertain terms that I had no choice in the matter. My fate was sealed. When we finally arrived in England I was so frightened that I felt sick. Not only would I have to get used to a new neighborhood and a new school, but I would also have to get used to a new way of life. (Thesis statement emphasizing differences)

First point: Adjusting to a new neighborhood

The first thing I had to adjust to was living in a new neighborhood. The Boston suburb we had left was a known quantity, and perhaps for this reason, I like it. At home we lived in a new development that was just starting to get built up. There were single houses everywhere with a few small trees scattered in between. Our house had a large lawn that my brother and I tried to avoid cutting whenever we could. (Neighborhood in U.S.) Moms carting children around in mini vans was a common sight. My dad belonged to a neighborhood watch program and coached a girl’s soccer team. My mon had a part-time job and rushed around on weekends catching up on all the things she could not do during the week. Every fall kids came to the door selling Girl Scout cookies or raising money to fight heart disease. Every spring and summer lawnmowers hummed away on Saturday mornings, and everyone went to church on Sunday. Everything was familiar…almost predictable.

Neighborhood in England

Our neighborhood outside of London, however, was far different from what I was used to. The house we lived in was cozy but much smaller than the house we had left in the United States. It had a cute little lawn in front---which my brother and I still argued about cutting---and was exactly like the house next door. Near our house was a forest in which outlaws were said to have lived several hundred years ago. Most of the women in this are worked full time to supplement their husbands’ incomes, and my mother was no exception. She got a job with my father’s company and was very busy most of the time. There was no need for a neighborhood watch program because there was almost no crime. (The only crimes I ever heard about were a parked car that was sideswiped and a cat that had allegedly been stolen.) Although there was a soccer team, girls were not allowed on it. (In England soccer is considered a boy’s game, like tackle football.) Some things were the same, however. Just as they did at home, people cut their lawns on Saturday---with a push, not a power, mower—and went to church every Sunday.

Second point: Adjusting to a new school

The next thing I had to adjust to was a new school. In the United States I had attended a large suburban public high school. It had been built in the 1970’s and held almost two thousand students. Sweatshirts and jeans were the most common articles of clothing for the students, and informality was a way of life. Several of my teachers even encouraged students to call them by their first names and to talk whenever they had something to say. I was able to choose from a long list of classes and take almost any course I wanted to. Classes had a relaxed atmosphere, to say the least. Some students had private conversations during class and paid little attention to the teacher. The only time they focused on the class was when the teacher called on them or when they made a funny comment or a sarcastic remark. We frequently had no homework, and we didn’t study much, except for a test. Although most of us wanted to go on to college, none of us seemed to take learning seriously. If anyone did, he or she was usually teased by the rest of us.

School in England

The school I attended in England was quite different from the one I attended in the United States. It was small even by English standards—only four hundred students—and the building was ober three hundred years old. All the students wore uniforms—a blazed, a freshly-ironed white shirt, and a pleated skirt if you were female or black pant if you were male. The teachers were the epitome of formality. We called them “Sir” or “Ma’am” and always showed respect. I never dreamed of using their first names. The atmosphere in the classroom was also quite formal. Students worked quietly and spoke to the teachers only when called on. When we were called on, our teachers expected us to respond intelligently. No one joked or made sarcastic remarks. All of us were serious about our work. I spent hours studying each night and write a thousand-work essay each week. I always had papers to hand in or a tutorial to prepare for. Eventually, I got used to the workload and was able to budget my time so I could go out on the weekends.

Third point: Adjusting to a new way of life

My greatest challenge, however, was to adjust to a new way of life. In the United States my social life was predictable, if not very interesting. Most of my friends lived in my neighborhood within walking distance of my house. I spent hours talking on the phone each night. Every Friday my friends and I would hang out at the local mall or go to the movies. On Saturday we would get together at someone’s house and watch TV or rent a movie. Sometimes we would go to a party or take a train into the city and go to Quincy Market. During the summer my friends and I would go to the beach or just lie around the house complaining that we had nothing to do. Although occasionally I would volunteer to help a teacher, my friends and I did not consider it acceptable to be too involved with school. Once, when I tried out for a school play, they teased me for weeks.

Life in England

In England my social life was quite different. Most of my friends lived almost an hour away. There were no malls to hang out in, we never went to movies, and I spent little time on the phone. At first, my whole life seemed upside down, but gradually I grew to like it. I found new things to do. I got interested in sports and other school activities. I became involved in community service, joined the debating team, and was elected to student council. Instead of hanging out at the mall, my friends and I went to plays and concerts in London. During the summer, I went on trips to Spain and to the Isle of Wight. Perhaps the most interesting thing I did was meet people from all over the world and find out about their customs. And I don’t ever remember sitting around the house wondering what to do.

Conclusion

In my one year in England, I accomplished more than I had dreamed I would before I left the United States. It was hard to give up everything that was familiar to me, but for the first time I understood what my mother had meant when she said, “Sometimes, you need to lost something to gain something.” By the end of the year, when we had returned home, I knew that year had changed me and that I would never be the same person I had been before.

POINTS OF SPECIAL ATTENTION

Structure---In this block comparison, Margaret introduces three points of contrast between her two subjects, and she is careful to present these three points in the same order for both subjects. With this method of organization she can be sure her readers will easily follow her comparison between her life in the United States and her life in England. Had Margaret used an alternating comparison, her readers would have had to keep all three of her major points in mind as they read her discussion of each subject.

Topic Sentences---Without clear transitions, Margaret’s readers would have a difficult time determining where each discussion of life in the U.S. ended and one about life in England began.

Transitions---In addition to clear and straightforward topic sentence that identify the differences between life in the U. S. and life in England, Margaret also includes transitional sentences that help readers move through he essay. Notice that by establish a parallel structure, these sentences for a pattern that reinforces the essay’s thesis:

The first thing I had to adjust to was living in England.

The next thing I had to adjust to was a new school

My greatest challenge, however, was to adjust to a new way of life.

Revision---The biggest strength of Margaret’s essay is its use of detail, which makes the contrast between the U. S. and England clear. Even more detail could improve the essay. For example, in paragraph 3 Margaret could describe her London suburb more precisely than she does. In paragraph 7 she could provide insight into how her English friends were different from her friends back in the U. S. Margaret could also improve her conclusion. As it is, it is little more than a loose collection of ideas, which, although adequate, adds little to the discussion. An anecdote that sum up her feelings about leaving England would be an improvement. So would a summary of how her experience changed her life once she returned to the U. S.